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This Angry Mob Is Never Going To Grow Until We’re More Welcoming To New...

As I look out at the faces surrounding me here today, I am reminded of how much we’ve accomplished in such a short period...

Poll Finds U.S. Global Image Down, Especially Among Allies

For the second year straight, the world’s view of the U.S. has declined. For example, only 39 percent of Canadians now have a favorable...

Smiley Face Doodled On Check Commemorates Undeniable Chemistry Between Waiter, Ericson Family

ROCKFORD, IL—Saying that the jovial drawing will forever signify their bond of goodwill, local father Gary Ericson confirmed Tuesday that a smiley face doodled...

State Election Commission Chases Wild Animals Out Of Voting Booths In Preparation For Upcoming...

NASHVILLE, TN—Hastily shooing away the varmints with corn whisk brooms, members of the Tennessee State Election Commission reportedly drove a pack of wild animals...

Saudis Admit Journalist Khashoggi Died During Botched Assassination Attempt

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—In a press conference ahead of a meeting with U.S. secretary of state Mike Pompeo, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman admitted...

ICE Agent Terrified After Becoming Separated From Team During Immigrant Raid

SIERRA VISTA, AZ—Looking around in a panic as he realized he had been left all alone, ICE agent Derek Borland was reportedly terrified Tuesday...

University Suspends All Lightweights From Campus Following Fraternity Hazing Death

TUSCALOOSA, AL—In an effort to prevent further alcohol-related tragedy, University of Alabama administrators announced plans Tuesday to suspend all lightweights who can’t handle their...

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